falling & flying

It was raining, drops of water running down the windowpanes in drips and drabbles. Outside, the clouds were dark storm grey touched with gold, the barest glimpse of sunlight turned the rainstorm from the dreariness of winter to the brightness of a water drenched heaven. 

 

You curled up in your window seat, watching the light that falls through the dripping glass and collects in puddles of silver on the floor. Your book lay open in your lap, forgotten, streaked with shadow and brilliance reflected from outside. The whole world hovered between darkness and light, ethereal in its golden grayness, impossibly clear even as the rain fell in heavy sheets across the bay and over the city. 

 

There were angels playing in the rain, dipping and diving and soaring far away at the edge of the horizon, where the sky curves down and the earth curves up, and there was nothing but blue-green and gold and storm cloud grey. 

 

This is the start of something beautiful 
This is the start of something new 
And you are the one that make me loose it all 

 

More than anything, you wanted to join them. 

 

They itched, your wings, trapped as they were deep beneath your skin. You could feel them like lines of silk along his bones, anxious to emerge. Inked into your skin. It’s been so long since you’d brought out your wings, since you’d flown and twisted and dipped with your kin far out at sea, watching the clouds dance. 

 

And you are the start of something new

 

It’s been even longer since you’d let yourself truly go, opened your wings and flew the way you were meant to, high, high, high up to where the sky is azure darkness and the stars are tiny diamond suns, glowing bright, where the air is so thin and you can fly so fast that breathing is near on impossible, even for you. 

 

And I’ll throw it all away 
And watch you fall 

You hadn’t even tried to touch the clouds. 

 

You are the earth that I will stand upon 
You are the words that I will sing,

 

Falling in love, you think, is a bit like going insane. First you lose control of your thoughts, your emotions, and your body. 

 

And I’ll throw it all away 
And watch you fall 
Into my arms again 

Then you fall, fall like your wings have been torn from you in mid air by some vast brutal force. 

 

And I’ll throw it all away 
But watch you fall, now 

 

You fall and fall and fall, and if you’re very lucky, you hit the ground. 

 

 

It was early in the springtime when you took your first leap. 

 

It had been over a year. 

 

She looked at you, cautious, when you told her. She knew you had no where to go and only one place to hide. 

 

You looked her in the eye and smiled, careful, and secret, and just a little bit in love. 

Because you were, because you adored her so much that sometimes it feels like your heart is going to pound right out of your chest, like your blood was flowing through your veins only for her, the stunning, broken, glorious girl who you know loved you back. And that feeling is breathtaking and utterly exquisite more so than any you’ve ever known. 

 

And take me back 
And take me home 
And watch me fall, down to earth 

You left so early it was still the day before, it was dark, stars still winked at the green and blue earth. You drove up the coast until the sun was high and golden and silver cliffs disappear into the sea. 

 

There was no one around, not in the middle of nowhere, not on a day like today. 

 

You managed to get your coat off without taking your eyes off the curve of earth where the ground falls away to nothingness. 

 

Your wings itched and burnt against your bones, where you’d kept them folded away, secret, safe, hidden, and chafing from the care, since the last time love had given you the strength to use them. 

 

This is the start of something beautiful 
You are the start of something new

 

But just for a moment, just one moment, you don’t care about the past. You thought of her and stepped up, right to the edge of the cliff, until you felt the open air brushing at your toes. 

 

The wind buffeted you with a gentle force, it called to you, to step off the edge and join it in the sky. You wanted to follow, to step off the overbearing earth and dance among the clouds, like the chilled breeze, fast and bold, but you waited, holding your breath in, digging your heels in as you stared out at the wrinkled grey-blue of the ocean. 

 

There was a flower growing on the cliff, three feet below you, with its bright coloured face turned up to the sun. It clung with the beautiful, stubborn tenacity of one who knows that they will die, but is determined to fight until the end. 

 

You admired it, envied it even, for that fearlessness. 

 

And you are the one that make me loose it all 
And you are the start of something new

 

I will be like you, you thought, and planted your feet firmer on the earth, stretching your arms up towards the sky. Your muscles burnt, unused to such a stretch after so long, but it’s a good kind of burn, a release. You gloried in it, took it in and held it deep within yourself, and then you let your wings unfold from under your bones. They slid out smoothly, and greeted the sun with a whisper like silk pulled over steel, and you let out your first full breath in nearly two years. 

 

You’ve never been like the angels who keep the city safe, content to dip their wings in the surf and brush the rainclouds whenever there is a chance they won’t be seen. You are strong and wild and free in all ways, you were born to fly as hard and as fast and as high as you can. Till you run out of air. And you’re most certainly not like the angels that the humans paint, pure and lovely with ashen wings. No, your wings and broad, long, dark, they look as though they could carry the world upon them.

 

But they can’t. 

 

You can only fly when you love, deeply, and truly and with no regrets at all. If you don’t, your wings will not support you, and you’ll fall down, down, down to your death in the churning sea below. 

 

The wind took you one half step closer to the verge, pushing your body like a great pair of hands, like fate. 

 

And I’ll throw it all away 
And watch you fall 

The wind blew harder, and you closed your eyes, you felt it all but lift you from your feet. The world below was so distant. Your not attached to it, and it held no appeal. Why would it, when the clear sky was so beautiful? Why concern yourself with anything when you can stand above everything and hear the crisp wind laugh? 

 

And her. 

 

She was the wind that held your heart. Your soul. Your body. 

 

You are the earth that I will stand upon 
You are the words that I will sing

 

The sweet wind swelled like the rising tide, it fluttered a few dry leaves past you and swept them out into the immense azure expanse before you. 

 

You opened you eyes, you felt that pounding rush in your veins, your very being, and let the wind push you over the edge. 

 

You fly because that is what you were born to do, spread your wings and soar high, high, higher, until the sky darkens from palest sapphire to deepest azure, and the earth curves away so far below your eyes. 

 

There, at the cusp of heaven and earth, where the starts look down and the clouds look and there is nothing but empty air and cold diamond stars and a sun that is so bright it can almost burn away the darkness, here you spread your wings out wider and let yourself fall back towards the earth, back towards you heart and soul are kept safe in her hands. 

 

You fell, and kept your eyes open, because it’s a little like insanity and a little like love, and you cannot get enough. 

 

She was waiting for you on the ground, leaning against your car. her coat fluttered around her legs, the chill wind kissing red onto her cheeks as she watched you settle on the very lip of the cliff and lower your wings. They swept out begin you, darker in the light of the setting sun, white touched with silver and blue and read and green, the tips darkening nearly to purple as the settled. You were breathing hard. But you smiled for her. 

 

She smiles, warm, a kind of, I-knew-you-were-here look to her eyes. 

 

She watched you for a long moment, and there was not a touch of condemnation to her face, no betrayal or fear. 

 

You are the words that I will sing

 

She stepped forward. Her intent unmistakable. 

 

You didn’t want to mistake her intent, even if you could. You laughed against her lips and thought about eternity with her. Eternity with your hear and soul in her hands. An eternity of sweet, warm winds to lift you high and fast and far, but which would always return you back to her. 

 

And you can think of nothing better. 

 

This is the start of something beautiful 
This is the start of something new 

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