So tonight I went on a date.
With a guy.
To the movies.
We watched The Amazing Spiderman and before I get started on my little rant for the day OH MY GOD IT WAS FREAKING FANTASTIC I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I SAW LIKE IT LITERALLY BLEW MY MIND AND THEN SOME. But I won’t spoil it for anyway because I honestly died when it all came together, I sort of dissolved into an emotional mess in the uber leathery comfy ass seat I was perched on.
And yes I was perched.
Which was all to do with the psychological nut job sitting next to me.
Trying to get handsy.
When I say handsy I mean trying to hold my hand and massage my fingers, and give me pins and needles because I was so damn uncomfortable and then at the same time spend half the night on facebook or texting me about how small my hands are.
WHICH THEY AREN’T
So he seemed nice enough.
He even agreed to my need to breathe.
I’m not a kiss and tell kinda girl, I don’t like kissing on the first date, and to be completely honest I don’t do touching, or hand holding or hugging or long lingering moments in the cold car park leaning on my wet (AS FUCK) car. And this guy respected that.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
Until we were walking to my car and he tried to grab my boobs.
I mean seriously do guys have no standards? I’ve barely known you all of what 4 hours and already you’re trying to get to second base? I didn’t meet you in a night club and I didn’t pick you up in a bar, so why the fuck were you touching me like I was some dirty little hooker you couldn’t wait to take into your dungeon and smother in butter. WHY OH WHY?
Don’t even get me started on the kiss.
It still gives me shivers.
Three shots of vodka and four of tequila and I still can’t get your florally mouthwashy distinctly my-mum-does-my-washing smell out of my skin or out of my taste buds. URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Whatever he’d showered in was so over powering, so intense it made my eyes water. But it was a sexy musky odour. Oh no. It was like he’d bathed in a bowl of dishwashing liquid mixed with napisan and then spritzed him self with air freshener.
It was so bad that I actually ranted in the car. To myself. On the way home.